Why Friendship means so much

I went outside to find a friend, but could not find one; I went outside to be a friend, and friends were everywhere!" - Anon

It's not always easy to have friends; especially if you're the shy kind, or worse, the hostile type. But we know how important the role of friendship is in our lives. As the old saying goes, 'No man is an island' that's because one of our purposes is to interact with one another.

It's flattering to see some people acknowledging my congeniality. That's because I know most of them want to do the same thing, but could hardly do it. Trust me; it wasn't easy for me at first, too. But from time to time I learned it the hard way and realized 3 important things to consider in how to win a friend:

Conversation. It's important that you know how to talk with people. Don't wait for them to approach you; learn how to be confident and be the first to reach out to them. It usually begins with a simple "hello" or "how are you?". It doesn't always have to start with asking their names. In fact, it's more accommodating if you introduce yourself first. You don't have to speed things up as it takes time to befriend a person. But if you want to chat with them for a long time, always remember to wear a welcoming smile, adapt a lively voice and a confident but humble appearance.
When I want to know more about someone, I NEVER talk about myself all the time. I put them first by asking general questions such as "What are your hobbies?", "what are your favorite things?", or "what places/countries have you traveled to?". In this way, he will give you many answers that will definitely prolong conversations. And, it helps you know what kind of person he is.

Quality time. After learning a few things about them, always consider that time also plays a big role in friendship. Don't just talk with them
for a particular time (like coffee breaks, weekdays or at work/in school); invest a moment in places or things that would interest both of you. A day at the mall, eating at a restaurant, playing badminton, or just a barbecue at home is wholesome enough. You don't have to spend a lot to gain a friend. Be practical and creative.

Generosity. To find friends, you don't just invest with time, you also need to share material things with them. As you engage with them
through conversation and hang-outs, you already have an idea what things to give that will make them keep it. I once gave a necklace to a girl who loves accessories. It was flattering to see her wear it the next day. Sometimes I give food like cookies, desserts, and other stuff that I cook. I also gave drawings to my close friends and they even appreciated it more than I did. Take note that it brings more intimacy and trust if you give them things especially made by you.

Now the question comes in. Why does friendship means so much to me?

You see, I don't make friends because I need something from them; I make friends because I understand some of their needs. It burdens me to reach out because I have a passion for people. However, between friendship, we will always encounter not just the good effects, but the bad effects as well.

The good effects
It makes people feel important. A lot of individuals experience serious issues such as discrimination, loneliness and desperation. Whenever I gain a friend, it makes me feel that I am valuable to them because of how much they appreciate me.


It gives good memories. Sometimes simple gatherings and conversations bring such precious memories. And memories are valuable in every person's life.

Culture-discovery is shared. I don't just make friends with colleagues or people with the same color, status, age or interest that
I have. I make friends with almost all walks of life; may they be black, white, rich, poor, young or old. It breaks mindsets, gives a better understanding about one's culture and beliefs, and it DESTROYS barriers.

We learn from each other. We are all imperfect, so we see everyone's negative side. But real friends correct each other. When my good friends see my bad attitudes, they make time to tell me everything and help me change or remove it. I do the same thing with them. It's also important to encourage each other whether we are down, good at something, or need to accomplish a certain goal.


The bad effects
Relationships change. Sometimes when we get too attached with them (especially if they are the opposite sex), we tend to develop a deeper feeling. Now there's nothing wrong about falling in love. What's wrong about it is, when the feeling is just a "feeling". Emotions change; and worse, it fades. So what happens when the emotion fades? The friendship dies eventually.

There's betrayal or abuse. When we are too confident with someone, we tend to take advantage of them. Sometimes not intentionally though, but because we are too comfortable with them, we tend to cross the line. And this is a baaad thing.

People misunderstand our intentions. I especially have a heart for foreigners. But it disgusts me when people think that I do so because I'm after their money, or I'm just a plain social climber. Sometimes they even think that I'm looking for a boyfriend between these guys! So instead of defending myself, I just consider these pathetic people as jealous, envious, self-centered and insecure. That's because they cannot do what I can do.

There will always have consequences in friendship. We will find good and bad friends, mere companions and true friends. Based from my experiences, I learned that I should consider my limitations. But no matter what, as long as I breathe, I will continue doing my passion--that is, to offer a warm heart and share my life with people--people who need a companion, people who need a good friend.